Posts filed under 2 cents in 2 sentences

Two Cents in Two Sentences - Ever committed a crime?

Illustration by Zenija Esmits

From grand larceny to vandalizing a shop front with silly string - have you ever landed in the back of a squad car with only your regret and a sloppily painted woman named Candy to keep you company?

ZE: "A crime - technically - but VERY low on the spectrum. Mainly I just did stupid things that could've got me killed." 

HM: “I could tell you but…"

LC: “Its only bad if you get caught….amirite? I’m an angel… Seriously though, I pay for samples of bulk. “

HP: “I honestly don’t think I’ve really done anything wrong, but I have thrown hash out ­ TWICE (fairly recently too) because I though it was dirt. Depends who’s judging??”

Posted on January 14, 2016 and filed under 2 cents in 2 sentences.

TWO CENTS IN TWO SENTENCES: RESOLUTIONS - YAY OR NAY?

First, lets all breath a sign of relief - the Hols are over, no more muss and fuss for at least another two weeks - We can see you Valentines Day. Ugh.* But with the New Year some folks like to set goals for themselves that seem all to realistic until they find themselves propped up at a bar - waist deep in Pinot Gris, sobbing that their relationship is in shambles, and that new exercise bike they got under the tree is already gathering dust. Here are our Two Cents on consciously becoming better, more fulfilled humans. 

Illustration by Zenija Esmits

ZE: "Yes, to exercise more. . . . HAHAHAHAHAHA! wheezing*"

HM: “Not really. Maybe this year I should resolve to make resolutions.”

LC: “I don’t typically make resolutions, rather, I use the New Year as one of those ‘clean slate’ allowances - much like ‘back to school’ time in September. 

HP: “Yes, I do - I love making lists.  I notice you haven't asked if I KEEP them...”

TWO CENTS IN TWO SENTENCES: NEW YEARS EVE - GOING BIG OR STAYING HOME?

Illustration by Zenija Esmits

Flashing lights, crowds and terrible music. Hooray it's New Years Eve! One of the worst times of year to leave the house, hunt for a cab and mingle with the masses (see Hallowe'en) Lets keep it civilized people. Great minds think alike - See below. 

ZE: " As the years wear on - New Years Eve loses its appeal more and more. Last year was the best NYE ever - Bubbles and cheese, party of two."

HM: “In. With loved ones, good food and bubbly.”

LC: “Definitely home, with friends,cheese, bubbly, and hopefully bathrobes…”

HP: “I went big years ago and it was always fun.  Now, I really like being home with a civilized glass of bubbly and my hubby or just at a quiet, fun intimate evening at friends (Coughs:...Zenija-ahah..ahaHelena....hhhahemLouisaaa!!).

Posted on December 31, 2015 and filed under 2 cents in 2 sentences.

TWO CENTS IN TWO SENTENCES : Double the opinions double the fun - Christmas Eve Edition

As a Christmas present for EVERYONE - we've compiled two TWO CENTS topics to celebrate the birth of Jesus. It's the way he would've wanted it.

Tearing apart presents, decorating while absently drinking a gallon of eggnog with a quart of rum, the Holidays have their pluses. They also have their minuses - I think we've all seen National Lampoons Christmas Vacation - Estranged family comes out of the woodwork, your cat gets set on fire, your Christmas bonus ends up being jam and no matter how well you plan the year before, the xmas lights are a colossal mess. Yet, every year we take pleasure in these nuisances and niceties.

No matter what you celebrate, you get a day off tomorrow. So shut up and enjoy it. Happy Hols!

FAVORITE THINGS

ZE: "Watching the Monkees Christmas Special and listening to Vince Guaraldi on repeat. Also indulging . . . in everything."

HM: ” Christmas Eve and that feeling of anticipation.”

LC:”That they inevitably end. This season gives me anxiety… commercialism on steroids, “spiced” lattes *barf*, scary jolly man intruder climbing down chimney, gluttonous behaviour… Ok, I am being a scrooge… I like being a Jew ; ) “our" Christmas dinners usually consist of Chinese Food and a movie. Happy Bday JC!!!”

HP: “It's a slow and anticipatory build up:  First we put up our lights, then the tree, then shopping for others (me), opening our stockings, and last but not least...Turkey dinner!” 

Illustration by Zenija Esmits

BIGGEST NUISANCES

ZE: "Having to accommodate others. Christmas is a time for being selfish."

HM: “Traffic”

LC: “See above. But really… I get grossed out seeing all the Black Friday stuff. I am a consumer too - but I have real fear about being ‘consumed’ by it all."

HP: “Slow line-ups and running out of money are a nuisance.  Not getting enough turkey leftovers REALLY bum me out.”

TWO CENTS IN TWO SENTENCES - WHAT'S YOUR FAMILY TRADITION?

illustration by Zenija Esmits

Whether you're putting cookies and bourbon out for Father Christmas, airing grievances or making persimmon pudding - every family has its traditions. These are ours.

ZE: "High on the list is Pīrāgi. But my main tradition is to virtually ignore the 25th and only celebrate that if forced to - Christmas Eve is where it's at."

HM: ” We light our Christmas pudding on fire, which I thought everyone did but I found out recently it’s more of a British thing.”

LC: “We celebrate Channuka and always manage to play a round of “Mystery Moses” with the family. We cap spending at $40 which forces some serious creativity… Last year my brother had me, and gifted me a taxidermy duck. Her name is Mallory and she lives in my den.”

HP: ” When I was a kid we had the turkey in the oven at the crack of dawn so we could eat "dinner" at twelve noon-ish which was followed by digesting, a walk, then home to plum pudding.  These days it's a morning mimosa, stockings, then repeat at the in-laws.”

 

Posted on December 17, 2015 and filed under 2 cents in 2 sentences.

TWO CENTS IN TWO SENTENCES - SNOW?

Illustration by Zenija Esmits

There are things that spur on the festive feelings of The Holidays. Smells, sounds and tastes play a big part in setting the merry mood. Snow plays a large part in traditional depictions of Christmas - and growing up in Canada, no matter what tradition you celebrate, snow seems synonymous with The Hols. So . . . does snow make for a better Season?

ZE: "Always - which is weird because it only snows (like R E A L L Y snows) every 7 years here. Thanks Christmas propaganda."

HM: “Yes. Infinitely.”

LC: “Only when you get to watch it fall from the inside, when you don’t have to goto work and you can play inside with PJ’s on all day… “

HP: “Yes.  A few days of the quiet hush of Currier & Ives snowfall and squeaky crunch under foot kind of makes the holidays - shovelling not included in this fantasy ideal.”

 

Two cents in Two Sentences - What's your least favorite chore.

Whether  the tedium of dusting or the back breaking mopping - chores are the worst. They are never ending and always a pain in the ass. Here are our top picks!

ZE: "The stupid gross compost - the process is endless from dumping to disinfecting and stink submission. gag."

HM: “It would be a tie between peeling pearl onions and removing the silk from corn husks.”

LC: “Taking out the garbage."

HP: “Getting rid of stuff. I can barely edit my own writing (everything is a glittering masterpiece) let alone throw anything out.”

Posted on December 3, 2015 and filed under 2 cents in 2 sentences.

Two cents in Two Sentences - American Thanksgiving, should we hop on that bandwagon?

Our Thanksgivings are a month+ apart, one is based around the harvest the other is based around the virtual obliteration of a culture, but it's a convenient time on the calendar in terms of a marker for acceptability of Christmas prep. So, as Canadians (because the US picked their date first) should we assimilate to their ways?

 illustration by  Zenija Esmits

illustration by Zenija Esmits

ZE: " I'd prefer it in November for the balance in my holiday calendar."

HM: “In general I would say no, although in the past I did celebrate a wonderful American Thanksgiving with some American South Granville Inhabiters and a turkey cooked by HP."

LC: "I guess if it means a Thanksgiving themed Simpson’s episode, I’m ‘bout-it ‘bout-it."

HP: “WHY is this even a question? It’s a chance to eat turkey and to have leftovers ­ besides, the whole holiday is originally American.”