Observation: Pigeons.

Every neighborhood has them and South Granville is no different. In fact, we have a particularly gutsy (read: irritating) brand of pigeon. Not only are they repulsive but they’re also clingy. Plus they can’t take a hint. Flailing arms don’t seem to do a ding dang thing. As well, the business end of a well-heeled boot does nothing if not encourage more flocking.

Roving gangs of inedible squab call the streets of SG home. Residents and visitors alike carelessly leave scraps of stale scone on sidewalk tables for these winged vermin to feast on. Sadly, pigeons appear to have the wherewithal to be able to distinguish between crumbs and cigarette butts.

What baffles me is that parents allow children to chase and ultimately, try to catch these things. I mean don’t get me wrong; it’s a great way to get the swarm to disperse, at least for a blissful minute or three. But honest to god, what would happen if your blood thirsty toddler caught one of them? Well, first order of business would be some sort of vaccination*, probably for rabies. Then maybe a lye bath?

 Illustration of revolting pigeons by  Zenija Esmits

Illustration of revolting pigeons by Zenija Esmits

How to spot a South Granville pigeon:

  • Plumage varies between grey-ish to muddy grey with hints of filthy oil-slick.
  • One or more crusty half gnarled up stump protruding from where a foot/feet should be.
  • No sense, no feeling
  • Beady eyes (don’t look directly at them it challenges them)
  • Often pudgy, very well fed on bits of Meinhardt muffins (do not feed!)


*Flu vaccination now available at Shoppers Drug Mart on Granville and 13th.