The Un-Bride

BY ŽENIJA ESMITS

Most women have a dream wedding. A wedding planned out in dizzying minutae from the age of 3. I do not. Well, didn’t. I have always known that I really don’t fancy the idea of walking down an aisle with all eyes on me. This kind of blatant attention is the reason I’m not a fan of birthday parties. It’s the stuff nightmares are made of. Anyway, now I’ve been forced into actually thinking about weddings, specifically mine. I’ve got Pinterest boards (secret ones) littered with ideas: many many incongruent ideas.

So here's my problem: boyfriend has a pretty clear idea what he wants. He wants the ceremony, the aisle, the everything. Having said that, semi-elopement has managed to squirm its way on the table – with the possible intention of doing all that other garbage at a later date. So we’re trying to come to an agreement. This is tricky. As to my understanding most boyfriends, fiancés, whatever, don’t generally have opinions. If they do have opinions, most don’t extend beyond things like who their best man/ushers are going to be - and the only reason they pick those things is because someone has to walk a team of bridesmaids down the aisle. I personally don't care about bridesmaids, flowers, chairs or whether guests prefer the chicken, salmon or the vegetarian option. However if I'm going to be backed into a corner and told; this is where and when we're getting married, you can bet your ass I'll want input. 

Most men don’t seem to have a huge hand in the decision-making process because what man in his right mind would deliberately choose to wear coordinating waistcoats in varying shades of teal? And that’s the least of it. I’ve opened up several magazines over the past couple of months and haven’t seen a wedding that has a hint of “groom” in it.  It’s all extravagance; crystals and frothy flower arrangements - save for the perplexed dude wearing a teal cummerbund in the middle of it all.

I suppose I should be pleased that whatever flavour of wedding I end up having it's at least one that I thankfully get to attend. 

NB Can I just say, if Vancouver City Hall had the option of quickie weddings all our problems would be solved. More on that next time.