The Un-Bride

BY ŽENIJA ESMITS

After heaps of dumplings, gallons of tea and achieving just the right amount of bloating due to salt intake, we were on the road to Bridal Salon Number 2.

With a subtle web-based disclaimer suggesting “if you can’t afford more than $2500 please don’t waste our time” I was skeptical. Expecting snooty staff and diamond encrusted floors I was relieved when a bright young woman greeted us at reception and offered us some bottled water. No third degree about dates, places, colors & corsages (all crap that’s still unconfirmed BTdubs) She just gave me and theBFF’s a little spiel and left us to our own frilly devices.

In addition to my choices, I allowed the BFFs to pick one dress each that they wanted me to try. BFF 1 made me try on an enormous Vera Wang that was her namesake. Wearing this dress, although structurally perfect, I bore a striking resemblance to Herb Alpert's Tijuana Brass's iconic album cover Whipped Cream & Other Delights. BFF 2 urged me to try on a oyster-colored ocean-y looking  number. I get sea-sick. Enough said. The rest of the choices were mine. We had a grand time. From $8000 to $1300* there were all sorts of dresses to try. Our sweet consultant gave us time and space and in no way rushed us through the process. An entirely dissimilar experience from our first stop of the day.

After a couple of hours being clamped into dresses that could stand on their own we were ready to call it a day. Successful in the context of trying this, that and the other on. Unsuccessful in that there wasn't anything that annoyingly lingered in my subconscious like Sir Mix-a-Lot's crowd pleaser: "I like Big Butts."

There you have it. I'm no closer to finding a dress, picking a location or a date. Stay tuned. You'll be the first to know. 

*Note: This price is healthily below the $2500 price point on their webby. Totally accessible. 


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