The Un-Bride

Wedding suite by Zenija Esmits - photograph by Helena McMurdo

Wedding suite by Zenija Esmits - photograph by Helena McMurdo

BY ŽENIJA ESMITS

Picking up where we left off last time:

Next on the list of importance is wedding invite wording. The problem is I’m insensitive and will say exactly what I want and/or don’t want. I’m afraid tact will go out the window when it comes to the invitations fine print. The good news is I’ve been doing the ground work for this since almost birth. My years of turning my nose up at children, getting to know people and revulsion to useless crap is finally going to pay off. So when something like . . .

“Please be mindful of the following allergies:

  • Children
  • Fish (Boyfriend is actually allergic - I had to give him one)
  • Unwanted Guests
  • Shitty wedding gifts

Don’t bring any of these things.”

. . . appears on the bottom of the wedding invite, friends and family will say “Ha ha ha, that Zenija, what a card. She sure dislikes kids (more chuckling). Hey, Inconsequential Person I’m Dating, guess you need to find alternate plans on (insert date) because there’s no plus one at this shindig.”